I've been taking some time to enjoy my family over the holidays so I haven't written for a while. Yesterday we were doing our yard because our yard guy had surgery. I was using hedge trimmers and I guess put my finger right in the way. When I cut it I knew it was bad, I took a second before I looked at it because I wasn't really ready to lose a finger. I also had a feeling, that now has been confirmed, that I was having some finger tip neuropathy and I am. I knew I cut it and I knew it hurt but I couldn't feel much. I thought at first it was my bodies way of numbing to handle the pain but I soon figured out it was just that I don't have much feeling in the tips of my fingers or the tips of my toes. I've known about my toes because of the pedicures I get. I can't ever feel it.
Guess it's a double edged sword. I can cut myself and it isn't horrible. Ok-the needle straight into my cut was horribly painful-but the rest was ok and today I can feel pressure but not much pain. Cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. I am a little sad because I didn't want to believe I had neuropathy. Another obstacle over come, but I can do it! I am out finishing the lawn today and typing with 9 fingers, but I got this, just like you have any struggle put in front of you.
Break it down step by step and you can handle anything. That's what I did. I took a moment before I looked and told myself that it would be ok regardless of what I saw, I forgive myself for being clumsy and I had no assumptions about what would happen at the hospital. I continued that line of thinking with each X-ray they took. My mind was actually nervous about having an X-ray, from the radiation to the possibility of "finding" something.
Not where I wanted to be, not happy about the neuropathy but just as most cancer survivors know, it's juts one more part of this cancer journey and you dig down deep to find the strength to attack any obstacles.